How to admire a woman's beauty without lust?

Is the only way to deal with lust is by locking yourself away or learning to live blindfolded or is it possible to enjoy feminine beauty without lusting after it?  Well, you bet it is! Otherwise there would be no beauty. Beauty is meant to be admired. 

Sadly however, the notions of beauty and admiration have been misinterpreted. Beauty is now spoken of in terms of physical features rather than something else, and admiration is not imagined without a subsequent desire to get hold of the admiree.

And that’s where the problem lies: people have forgotten how to adore beautiful things without regrets that they don’t have them. Therefore for some it is just the matter of how low you can go in suppressing your conscience to get what you want. Voices echo in their heads convincing them that they must have it. Ultimately, when they do they often see that their expectations have been ruined.

There was a story of one of King David’s sons that illustrates this well enough. His name was Amnon and he had happened to be infatuated with his cousin Tamar. Here’s what we read in the book of Samuel: 

“Amnon fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.” 

Then he tricked her into his room, but after it was over he “hated her with intense hatred” and turned her out. Well, it ended all too bad for him.

Now we have clues that can help us avoid doing the same. Check your feelings at the moment you see a beautiful girl. Here’s a few signs:

LUST:

• You feel somewhat uncomfortable and frustrated as if you were failing to live up to something
• You look more than once at her body rather than at her face
• If you do look at her face you try to catch her look to get her attention
• If you unintentionally caught a glimpse of her exposed body parts you look longer than to make sure there are no poisonous snakes on them
• You imagine her as your girl or your wife or in an indecent setting
• If you see her walking by you look at her for any other purpose than to ask for directions or to avoid running into her
• If you do ask for directions you know you don’t need them. This is cheating.

TRUE ADMIRATION:

• You feel calm, undisturbed and not weighted down
• You feel happy for the person who has or will have her as his wife
• In your heart you wish her only the best and pray for her
• When you see her you don’t rush to make  yourself known to her
• You prefer to look away instead of looking at her with impurity
• You look beyond her physical appearance discerning her inner beauty
• You think of the One who Created her and praise Him
• Finally, all this takes no longer than a second

If you tried but couldn’t change your attitude to beauty and admiration, the first step towards change is to admit your weakness before G-d and to someone you know will tell you the truth rather than what you want to hear. Then pray in the name of Yeshua asking G-d to help you. If necessary, dedicate a day to fasting during which read the Scriptures and pray. The truth will be on your side.

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Philadelphia: Statement of Fact